Month: April 2013
Day 4 – Work has to change
Day 4 – Work has to change
0830 – I run 2 of my own companies, a marketing company and coaching company. Things need to change now. I was always able to work overseas or far away if needed, Claire was always supportive and didn’t mind me being away – she was one of life’s ‘copers’ who coped with ANYTHING – nothing was ever too much bother for her and she knew that my success would help us achieve our dreams (perhaps I’ll write about those sometime, but as yet that is too painful to consider).
If I am away who is going to sort out the kids? They need picking up and dropping off. Work has to change.
1030 – I’ve just taken the dog for a walk, a bright sunny day but I feel so, so, so empty. Almost like the worst hunger pain I’ve ever felt but just no way to get any sustenance. I love her so much.
1300 – I started writing this blog. A welcome distraction
I’ve also started to notice people posting to Claire’s Facebook page, telling her they love her and what a great friend she was. The kids are also posting each day talking to their mum.
Each time I read those posts I cry, they make me realise what a GREAT Mum she was and such a positive influence on other people too.
A tough day today…
Day 3 – The sun is shining
Day 3 – The sun is shining
The sun was shining this morning and that was the first time since Claire died, it wasn’t a sign or anything like that, but I just noticed the change in weather. The grief comes in huge waves, and all it needs is a simple trigger like the sun coming out… there seems to be no reason for it, no explanation and no way to stop it.
The kids are the same. Olivia (eldest daughter – 18) went to Tesco for some supplies and came back upset as it was always Claire that took her to the shops. We all have our own triggers that set us off!
Yesterday Olivia was struggling with a picture she had in her mind of Claire in the Chapel of Rest. I didn’t go but Claire’s Mum and Dad & Sister went and Olivia thought it might help her too. All she could see in her mind was Claire in the Chapel of Rest – I think she thought she’d look like she was simply asleep and was disturbed to find that Claire looked very different. I have a good friend that is a Master NLP & Hypnosis Coach, so she popped over to ‘mess with that picture’ in Olivia’s head and replace it with a nice happy one. It worked a treat!
My challenge today
Today it’s been the realisation that I’ll never have one of ‘our’ conversations again. We were both very much in to psychology – Claire from a formal educative background (She had a Bsc Hons in Psychology and was part way through an Msc in Counselling Psycholology) and me from a Neuro Linguistic Programming and Hypnosis angle.
We’d talk deeply about how some people ‘project’ on to others, and how important it is to become ‘self aware’ at an early point in life. We both knew that most people never understand either of those concepts… we both did and could talk for hours.
We just ‘got’ each other. There was such a deep understanding between us that has developed over the past 30 years together and I miss those convesations where we could both offload so much.. I so want to offload what’s on my mind right now and the only person in the world I can do that with isn’t here. The pain is just so immense right now.
My progress today
I slept last night and got some respite from the pain.