Meeting Agenda & Format

Meeting Agenda & Format

Open meetings are at the core of our program. Modeled after the customs and group dynamics of Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, these meetings allow participants to take learning from their grief and bereavement in a safe and confidential environment. The word ‘open’ implies only that new participants are welcome to join the group at any time.

Our open meetings use a written script which is read by several group participants at the request of a group leader chosen for each meeting. When first exposed to this kind of meeting format, many people find the use of a script to be ‘canned’ or even insulting. The use of a script, however, has several important functions. For example, it de-emphasizes the role of the leader in the group.

The leader does not have to prepare any creative questions or group activities in advance. Some people put it this way: “If you are working on your own issues and you can read, you can lead a Peace & Acceptance group”. The use of a script also emphasizes the fact that all participants are present to work on their own issues not to passively receive from either the leader or other group participants.

Before the meeting begins you should nominate:

Meeting Script

WELCOME

Hello, and welcome to the Peace & Acceptance Community meeting, we are a community of active grievers who have all lost our partner in life. We read from a script, this keeps meetings consistent and takes away the burden of a group leader, but rest assured that there will be plenty of time to share personally later in the meeting if you wish. The meeting is exclusively for people who have lost a partner, if you are not then I would like to respectfully ask that you exit the meeting now. The meeting will end promptly at 8:30pm. Please can I ask you to keep your camera on at least until we have introduced ourselves, but please mute your microphone now until the introductions. My name is __________ and it is my turn to lead the meeting tonight. Please join me for a moment of silence where we reflect on the concept that we need to ‘turn up’ at these meetings and be present, please take a moment now to be still and ‘arrive’ – after which we will recite the Serenity Prayer together.

[SILENCE]

Thank you, now let’s recite the Serenity Prayer together, remembering that God is any power higher than ourselves.

PRAYER

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time, accepting hardship as a pathway to peace and acceptance.

OPENING COMMENTS

This group is committed to creating a safe place to share our experience, strength and hope.

We are a community of active grievers that have lost our partner and follow a helpful framework of group meetings, inspired by the 12 step programs. Active grieving, to us, means taking deliberate steps to work through the emotions and pain on a journey to peace and acceptance.

We have a shared vision to live in peace and acceptance of our loss and agree to live our lives by shared values that lead us towards a common purpose.

Peace and Acceptance is achieved by working the Community program steps and we recognise that this is a lifelong commitment.

This is not a therapy group, no one is here in a professional capacity. Our purpose is to grow towards peace and acceptance. We are not here to talk about others, to condemn, criticize, or judge anyone. Our desire is to improve the quality of our lives by looking honestly at who we are, by learning from, listening to and by sharing our experience, strength and hope with each other.

INTRODUCTIONS

If you are new to the Peace & Acceptance Community group, we offer you a special welcome. We suggest that you attend your first meeting in full and then at least 6 meetings to give yourself a fair chance to decide if this group is appropriate for you. We encourage you to exchange phone numbers with other members of the group for support between meetings and to join our WhatsApp group. If you have any questions, please feel free to talk with us at the end of the meeting when we will have a short social time together.

It is our custom to introduce ourselves by first name only and to use 3 words to describe how we are feeling at the moment – please do not share more than this, there will be an opportunity to share in full later in the meeting. If you prefer to just say your name, then this is also fine. Please now un-mute yourself and say your name in turn and if you wish say how you are feeling right now in 3 words. My name is ______________ and I’m feeling _____, _______ and ______.

(Note: It can feel welcoming if other members respond to each person’s self introduction by saying “Hi, name”.)

(After all have been introduced)

Please now mute your microphone.

THE STEPS

The Peace & Acceptance Community steps are an important foundation for our group please can I have a volunteer to read them for us.

[member to read steps]

Thankyou.

COMMON PURPOSE & SHARED VALUES

Each meeting we read the common purpose of the group, this is to remind ourselves of why we are here and what we intend on achieving, please can I have a volunteer to read them for us.

GROUP GUIDELINES & SHARING

We are now moving to a time of sharing.

Every meeting we remind ourselves of some basic group guidelines. We respect the confidentiality and anonymity of each person here. Remember that whatever you hear at this meeting is shared with the trust and confidence that it will remain here.

Who you see here, what is said here, when you leave here, let it stay here.

During any sharing please do not engage in CROSS TALK. Cross-talk occurs when individuals speak out of turn and interrupt the person speaking. The group is disrupted, and focus is diverted from the individual whose turn it is to speak. Please keep your microphone muted whilst the group member is sharing. Whilst another group member is sharing, please be a “heart with ears but no mouth”.

We are going to share 3 times each (twice if no new members), I will guide you through each stage:

1. Our story (first meeting in the series only) – sharing for 2 minutes
2. Common purpose sharing – 3 minutes
3. Steps – 3 minutes

Sharing 1: Our story

[first meeting in the series only]

It can be helpful for new members to hear the story of other members in the group, if you are a regular member please share your experience, strength and hope when invited to share. For new members, please feel free to tell us about your journey so far, there is NO compulsion to share if you don’t wish, please don’t feel any pressure, just remain quiet if you don’t wish to share.

If you would like to share please begin now, the time keeper will let you know when 2 minutes are up.

[sharing begins]

Thank you

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Sharing 2: COMMON PURPOSE

We will now share whilst focusing on our “Common Purpose”, this works through all the common purposes in turn, this week we are looking at ___________. Our common purposes are the light at the end of the tunnel and this is an opportunity to make that light brighter and keep it in sight. We take it in turns to share based upon this common purpose and please limit your sharing to 3 minutes, today I have asked ______ to be our timekeeper.

What does this common purpose mean to you and what do you hope for from this common purpose?

If you would like to share please begin now, the time keeper will let you know when 3 minutes are up.

[sharing begins]

Thank you, we are now going to move on to a further time of sharing.

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Sharing 3: The Steps

We use the steps to frame our sharing time. The Peace & Acceptance Community Steps represent a discipline which can provide a way out of despair and the darkness that often surrounds those grieving.

Today’s meeting focuses on Step __________ . [Note: Groups should consider addressing one step per calendar month].

We will now share the step notes and thinking prompts to guide us as we share our experience, strength and hope on step ______, please can I have a volunteer to read this.

(Notes: If the group is larger than 20 people, it may be best to form small groups of 5-7 people for the sharing portion of the meeting.)

If you would like to share your experience, strength and hope please begin sharing, remembering not to engage in cross talk. The time keeper will keep track and let you know when 3 minutes is up. Please finish quickly after the 3 minutes, if you would like to share your experience, strength and hope next please begin. This process will repeat until all that wish to share have done so or until time runs out.

You might find the discussion topics helpful on each step to help your thought process.

If you would like to share please begin now, the time keeper will let you know when 3 minutes are up.

[sharing begins]

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THANKYOU

I’d like to thank all that shared with us.

ANNOUNCEMENTS

Are there any the group related announcements?

CLOSING

The Peace & Acceptance Community is intended to complement not replace other support groups. We encourage you to attend other meetings that apply to your situation. We also encourage you to bring a friend who has lost their partner and to invite them to experience some of the benefits that can be gained from participating in this program.

Remember! What you hear at this meeting is confidential; leave it at this meeting! It is not for public disclosure or gossip. Please respect the privacy of those who have shared here today.

I would also recommend you visit the Lost Without Her website and read through all the steps, values and common purpose. Let this be a resource and guide as you work this program.

If you’d like to make a donation to support the group, this can be done on the ‘about these groups’ section of the lost without her website.

For the next meeting please think about volunteering for one of the following:

1. Someone to lead the group
2. Someone to share their story (if the next meeting is a “My Story so Far” meeting)
3. A time keeper
4. Someone to read the steps
5. Someone to read common purpose and shared values

Thank you, and see you next time on {Date of next meeting}

[After the meeting closes anyone that wishes to stay for a social chat is most welcome]