Tag: moving forwards
Book about grief
Book about grief
What an incredibly strange couple of weeks it’s been. I’m writing this as we come out of the Covid-19 lockdown, it’s been a time of social isolation and not much paid work so it’s been an opportunity to work on other projects, of which I have many, you know me!
One of those projects has been my book. I just checked back in my notes and I originally planned to publish it in 2017, I’m only running 3 years late…
After a couple of conversations with other self published authors I decided to self publish on Ingramspark, in hindsight it’s actually a fairly simple process but trying to learn that processes has been rather challenging.
As of 26th of June 2020 the book is now available for pre-order on Amazon in Kindle format and I have my first physical proof of the paperback on its way from the printers.
I’m filled with emotion about the publishing of this. On the one hand I’m exceptionally excited to be able to help so many other people, if just one person reads the book and is helped, then it will be worthwhile.
On the other hand, I’m so desperately sad that I’ve had this experience in the first place.
2 completely different emotions, held side-by-side, hand-in-hand and with no conflict.
And isn’t that a lesson to learn?
- Yes, the whole experience of Claire dying has been a living, waking hell.
- Yes, I would never choose to go through it.
- Yes, I miss her desperately.
And yet…
- I’ve spent so much time on rebuilding my life that I’m loving it, enjoying it to the full and have few regrets.
- I would never choose to go through it, and I know that is now part of who I am, and my experiences have been integrated into the new me, and I like the new me.
- It’s possible to still miss Claire desperately, and that the same time, love again without compromising ‘then’ or ‘now’.
2 completely different emotions, held side-by-side, hand-in-hand and with no conflict.
There’s always a lesson to be learned from every situation, sometimes we just need to dig in order to find it…
The paradox of death and living
The paradox of death and living
When someone close to us first dies we can be lost in the depths of grief and despair and unable to think beyond the next second.
Every second is pain.
But as time goes on we find we can live two seconds before the pain hits us again, then it turns to minutes, then hours, then days.
We still think about the person we have lost 24/7 but we don’t experience that deep depth of despair every second like we used to.
And yet, the true paradox is that living second by second is truly living. If we focus on the now then nothing else matters and we are truly alive, living for the moment.
Paradoxically, that deep depth of despair, second by second living can also be a path to truly living, if we let it!
What a paradox!