[7] I accepted and found I as a unique individual
The heart of the suggested steps to Peace & Acceptance is contained in these steps describing the experience of grieving widows and widowers.
Meetings focus on working through the steps, often in a repeating pattern as more learning is revealed to us on our journey. There is often no linear progression.
In a previous step, we talked about acknowledgement of I as a unique individual, not doing anything with it, just acknowledging that I am a unique individual, separate from the we. This step is about acceptance of the fact that I am separate from we.
Acknowledgement means giving up the fight.
Giving up fighting to always want to be a ‘we’, always wanting to be in a partnership, to always want to be in a marriage or in a union with that person that has died.
Acceptance just means stopping the ‘fight’ with the fact that we are ‘I’.
In actual fact, we’re all alone because we are all unique, lovable individuals. And when we accept, all we do is stop the fighting.
We may have the same emotions – we may feel just as sad.
We may feel just as distraught.
We may feel just as bereft.
And moving along this journey towards peace and acceptance, this step is just about giving up the fight with the fact that I am a unique individual and that I have found I as a unique individual… and I can now say, “what do I want to do?” or “What do I want to achieve in my life?”
And that may be different to what ‘we’ wanted to achieve, to what ‘we’ wanted to do, or, it may be the same!
Acceptance of I as a unique individual is stopping the fight and just saying, “Yeah, I am a unique individual and I can do and have and be all of these things.”
And when we stop fighting we have so much more energy to put in to other things!
Thinking prompts for this step
If you wish you may find it helpful to use these as prompts to guide your thinking when it’s your turn to share during any group meeting.
- Do you feel yourself fighting with the concept of WE and I?
- Can you begin to notice that acceptance is not about making those feelings go away, it’s about living with those feelings and not fighting them.
- What will you do for you, and you alone, that aknowledges you as a unique individual?