[5] I accepted emotional conflict
The heart of the suggested steps to Peace & Acceptance is contained in these steps describing the experience of grieving widows and widowers.
Meetings focus on working through the steps, often in a repeating pattern as more learning is revealed to us on our journey. There is often no linear progression.
When we look at photographs of our partner, we may often have emotional conflict.
Such joy at the memories.
Such wonderful joy.
“My God. Life was so good. I was so happy, but now I am so sad and upset and distraught.”
Acceptance means stopping the fight between these two emotions to say, “actually, I can have the two emotions because they both serve me in different ways.”
They both serve me to say, “You are loved, you are cared for. What an amazing relationship you had. What an amazing person you are. And both of those emotions are here to serve me, to protect me, to keep me safe, to enable me to look after myself, and they both serve the same highest common purpose.”
So acceptance of these different emotions doesn’t mean that we don’t have the different emotions.
It just means we stop fighting.
And if we look at a photograph and are filled with joy, that’s wonderful because that joy enriches our life. It keeps me safe, lets us know we’re lovable. And when we feel absolute distraught and sad and we can’t stop crying, when we look at that same photograph, that’s okay.
It’s OK to have these mixed emotions, and that is acceptance.
We just stop the fight.
Thinking prompts for this step
If you wish you may find it helpful to use these as prompts to guide your thinking when it’s your turn to share during any group meeting.
- Do you feel yourself fighting the emotional conflict?
- Can you begin to notice that acceptance is not about making the conflict go away, it’s about living with those feelings and not fighting them.
- What purpose do these emotions serve for you? – If you feel the purpose is negative e.g. causing you pain… how can this be turned around e.g. “it’s a sign I’m still in love”