[11] I accepted that what happened is part of what made me the person I am today
The heart of the suggested steps to Peace & Acceptance is contained in these steps describing the experience of grieving widows and widowers.
Meetings focus on working through the steps, often in a repeating pattern as more learning is revealed to us on our journey. There is often no linear progression.
I accepted that what happened to me made me the person that I am today.
It can seem like we might wish that what happened didn’t happen to us, and that’s most likely true. At the same time, when we move along our journey, we find that we can decide to create and design a new future for ourselves that can be joyous and can be wonderful. And the fact that we’re able to do that is in part because of what happened.
We find new relationships, new friends, possibly a new partner, or possibly not. But when we find new friends, those new friends become friends because of the person that we are now. And we are the person that we are now in part because of what happened to us. In part because of the love that we shared with our partner, and in part because we lost that love.
We are fundamentally different people from the people we were.
We have changed fundamentally.
And the person that we are now, is a person that is accepting the loss, is moving towards peace, is planning for the future, which we can beging to consider may look bright and rosy.
And that all that has happened has led us to this point. And would I want things any other way?
Remember in a previous step we looked at holding two emotions, so from me to you, would I want things any other way? Absolutely yes. I wish that Claire had never died, but she did.
Am I really happy with the life that I have now? Absolutely, yes.
And I can hold those two together.
Holding different emotions at the same time is okay. They don’t have to conflict.
I am this person today because of what happened yesterday, yester year, yester decade, and that is okay.
Thinking prompts for this step
If you wish you may find it helpful to use these as prompts to guide your thinking when it’s your turn to share during any group meeting.
- Whilst accepting that you might change what happened if you could, what do you like about your life now?