Other People’s Stories

My Partner in life a 52 year old woman died 2 weeks ago she was my love in every manner. After being diagnosed with stage four lung cancer four months ago I wrote and called every reputable cancer center in the << location removed>> area as we were limited in fiancé [sic].  Chemo was working even thou she went from 135 lbs. to 95 lbs. but she was still as beautiful as ever. She died in my arms as I found her in the bathroom that morning as awoke. I was confronted in saying my heart to her but in my shock I could only cry and tell her how much I loved her. Two weeks have passed and I have dealt with the institution of death I still live in our home and reflect upon our life from room to room I miss her very much and will throughout my life I am strong enough to keep my life’s existence intake take care of bills and all the chore,s but I am doing it all in a fog and periods of depression. I am a fork road of morning through depression by evaluating if I should have taken her to ER or not being awake if she called out for me or do I recognize that all was done and what will be will be. I know that logically I should move on with love in my heart except my heart is not keeping up with my logic.

My beautiful wife passed away on <<date removed>> aged 51. She was taken into hospital on <<date removed>> with bowel cancer spread to liver ovaries and lymp nodes. I have 3 twenty year olds living with me and we are in bits. I found your blog on internet and am finding great comfort reading through tears.

I just recently lost my wife who had been ill for nearly 30 years, We all thought her kidney disease would claim her one day but not the case. My wife had a fall and damaged her artificial knee beyond repair. Due to other mobility problems she had a poor quality of life and losing the inability even get in and out of bed, left her with a bleak bedridden future. After several days thinking through the options, <<name removed>> very bravely opted to cease dialysis, knowing this would bring an end to her life. It was all over in 4 days.
While I totally supported and understood her reasons, it was still difficult to deal with. It has been less than a week since she passed and I am all over the shop with emotions, I feel lost, scared to face life without her etc. Reading your story showed me that I am probably going through what every other person who loses a loved one endures. Your web page helped me settle a bit. Thank you.

Message: My name is <<name removed>> I’m 37 years old and lost my mother to her battle with leukemia less than a month ago. I am desperately trying to help my father who is grieving horribly he wish that he would die he’s doing everything in his power to barely get by so he can be with her. I have no words to describe how wonderful my mother was and she was the glue that held our family together. I wish there was somehow someone to talk to so I could help him myself my little sister my family.

I recently lost my husband at the age of 50 to a sudden heart attack right in front of me. Having a hard time, feel lost as we were together since the age of 19. Just looking for advice, wisdom and hope.

I came upon your website this morning, I am having a hard day today, one of many… Tomorrow would have been me and my husband <<name removed>>’s <<date removed>>th wedding anniversary. <<detailed content removed>>. I miss <<name removed>> so much, I am now alone, I have only my Brother who lives on the south coast. I have managed to return to work part-time, join a few groups…<<detailed content removed>>, which helped me immensely. It is now five months, but the concept of time is now very strange.

Some days the disbelief of everything that happened puts me right back into the grief at the start of all this. Mark, I have only read a few of your posts and a couple of videos, but they connect with me in some way.

I am <<age removed>> and feel lost, lonely and cannot imagine the future without <<name removed>>. I wanted to ask if you could please add me to your Private Facebook support forum. I have confided more to you in this email, than to most people! Kind regards, <<name removed>>

I don´t use facebook or tweet, but I would like to say your website is great, I am sure it will reach out to and help a lot of hurting people. Its been 3+years since my husband died and a long hard battle to get through each day, but life is better, I had to work hard by getting out there and doing things even when I was afraid. I still have days or even moments when I miss him, and then I pick myself up and push on, Hopefully life can only get better as time goes on. I wish you happiness for the future. <<name removed>>

Hi, my childhood girlfriend and wife of 25 years died suddenly of acute pancreatitis on <<date removed>> , <<name removed>> was my all Fromm the age of 17 I’m now 52 ,,,it was completely sudden no warning ….I’ve found your site and am getting lots of help and comfort reading your posts ….at the moment I’m just completely lost scared and wondering if life’s worth living ,,,but I gave two daughters 17 and 19 and a west highland terrier that <<date removed>> bought 8 months before she died so if I deserted all those most important people in her life she’d kill me !!…it’s my worst nightmare come true that only happens to others …….your site is really helping god bless you

Hi. I lost my wife <<date removed>>, and I found your site just wanting to know how to cope. She was 38. She was my life. SHe was also named Clare

My wife of 34 years passed <<date removed>>. She passed away in my arms from complications of <<condition removed>>. I carry so much sadness inside that it hurts physically some days. I put on a brace face at work but at home I cry at anything remotely sad. I do the same thing in my car if a sad song comes on. Ironically we had grown apart prior to her illness but her decline in health brought us closer again. I knew she was terminally ill but in my mind I had rationalized she would get better even though there was no chance of that. Now I feel so alone. My family thinks it’s time to move on. I do not believe in suicide or I would have do it a while ago. I try to believe thier [sic] is a reason I am here. I am definitely not interested in dating and would feel guilty. When does the pain lessen?

This blog about the loved ones that passed away has been helping me cope with my loss. My wife passed away <<date removed>> we were together 15 years, she was my best friend. I went from shock to denial to true grieve [sic]. I cried so much one day it gave me a headache; I was a bartender for 28 years I have comforted people at work with there [sic] loss but when my wife died I felt this sickness in my body that would not go away .My wife died at 57 19 months ago and other people wrote the same thing I have been going through. Prayers to every one, may all of us take care of our family’s and live as long as possible

Mark, I am sorry for your loss but happy to hear you are enjoying life now. I don’t know how I found your blog but it has been a great read. I lost my partner of 23 years on <<date removed>>, he was 57 and I loved him so much it hurts. I am at that time (5 months on) where I just miss him so much, miss him standing beside me, giving me a hug – o I miss his hugs, enjoying a glass of wine together, dinner together, chatting, laughing together, listening to him play his guitar and new song he wrote. He was one of these guys who lived in the “now” and always telling me to slow down, enjoy the minute your [sic] in and it drove me mad sometimes but I would love to have one of those conversations now, so when I read one of your messages about the Now, it was like listening to him and it was great, I cried of course and cried but it was great! Everything you have written I have felt and I’m sure will continue to feel for a long time but you have given us all hope that yes if I go into that dark tunnel (I am just skirting around at the edge of it now – too scared) then I will come out the other side where it is bright and sunny. I hope you keep writing, Thank You.

Thanks for your blog. You did very nice work by creating this blog. God bless you. I have lost my everything(wife) on <<date removed>>. Before <<date removed>> I was feeling that I m a happiest person because every thing was going superb, suddenly like mountains fall on me and everything lost. She actually commited suicide. I’m not understanding what it happened. She was 36 and 31st oct 16 was our marriage anniversary. I have 3 children, elder one boy of 16 and 2 girls of 12 and 8 respectively. Kindly guide me as today I have no ways, no dreams, no emotions, no hunger, no thurst…….

This blog about the loved ones that passed away has been helping me cope with my loss. My wife passed away <<date removed>> we were together 15 years, she was my best friend. I went from shock to denial to true grieve [sic]. I cried so much one day it gave me a headache; I was a bartender for 28 years I have comforted people at work with there [sic] loss but when my wife died I felt this sickness in my body that would not go away .My wife died at 57 19 months ago and other people wrote the same thing I have been going through. Prayers to every one, may all of us take care of our family’s and live as long as possible

Thanks for your blog. You did very nice work by creating this blog. God bless you. I have lost my everything(wife) on <<date removed>>. Before <<date removed>> I was feeling that I m a happiest person because every thing was going superb, suddenly like mountains fall on me and everything lost. She actually commited suicide. I’m not understanding what it happened. She was 36 and 31st oct 16 was our marriage anniversary. I have 3 children, elder one boy of 16 and 2 girls of 12 and 8 respectively. Kindly guide me as today I have no ways, no dreams, no emotions, no hunger, no thurst…….

I am now mourning the loss of my partner who died only one week ago. I had known <<name removed>> for only four years. My wife died 7 years ago in Spain with ovarian cancer. 3 years after her death I met by chance <<name removed>> who had lost her husband 2 years before. We became good friends and often talked about our lost spouses. We became a perfect couple enjoying our compatibility and fell in love. We were to be married this Xmas, she was diagnosed in March this year with the same illness Ovarian cancer that had spread quite rapidly. She was a strong woman and she fought all the way. Now I miss her terribly, I feel so empty and alone, I realise that time will help once again but also feel that life has been so unfair to both of us.

I just found your blog today. I have read and discussed loads on grief and coping with it and honestly your blog has been the most useful thing so far. It gives me hope, gives me techniques to try out. My darling husband, soul mate, best friend etc etc…..<<name removed>> died on <<date removed>>, two years after your Claire. He died unexpectedly in Spain after two months travelling in a motorhome through France and Spain starting on 2 February. It was our getting over cancer holiday and the start of new lives for us after both having cancer last year. On <<date removed>> we were told <<name removed>>’s cancer had gone and would not be back. He had a chest infection when we went away and got worse and worse. The last month of his life was in hospital in Spain initially being treated for pneumonia and getting better before he deteriorated and spent last 3 weeks in ICU. Sorry, did not mean to go into all of that. Just wanted to thank you for your blog. I have just read some of the postings so I will go back now and read more. I hope all is going ok with you. I will think of you and Claire with love especially on 17 April. Take care, <<name removed>>

Thank you for sharing your journey. I lost my dear wife of 39 years on <<date removed>>. I feel as if part of my soul disappeared with her. The feeling of loneliness and lack of purpose and direction weigh heavily. Eventually I will learn to deal with the loss…your shared commentary is helpful…thank you and God bless.

Dear Mark,
I came across your blog about life without your wife Claire only just today. I sincerely commend and admire the strength that you resonate as you and your family go through such a difficult time. I just felt that I had to write to you, as there is so much courage and hope that I was able to take from your blog.

My story is very different but some of the emotions you describe I can completely relate to. In particular the one where you say you feel as if you are consciously planning your actions, as if delivering a training course. I am finding that when I talk to people about what happened to my husband its as if I have an outer body experience and am observing my conversation with my the other person – almost as if I am having a reality check with myself and confirming yes it happened, and yes you are sitting here telling this person what happened so it has happened. I also completely get where you are coming from when you say you have to find a new you. I have been married to my husband for 18 years, I am 39 and he is 45. So to redefine yourself, your beliefs, your goals and your future on your own is so difficult and there is an overwhelming fear.  A feeling of being lost – previously I knew where we were heading, even if we hadn’t cemented those plans I knew we were doing all the things to make it happen.

Life changed for me and my two children (ages 12 and 13) on <<date removed>> . My husband had a cardiac arrest at home in the morning. This was totally unexpected no previous heart problems or symptoms.  The paramedics managed to revive him but due to the lack of oxygen to his brain he has not regained consciousness. It’s been a long hard 5 months, he has been moved from 5 different hospitals and currently at a rehabilitation hospital. Life has become unbearable – he is such a nice man, made everyone laugh with his big warm and loving personality; and now there is nothing. Everything feels empty. There is too many unknowns that I fear dealing with now. It’s amazing how as adults we lose our resilience to change.

I cannot believe that it has happened, somedays it feels like a nightmare. The news has been a real shock to everyone that knew him work colleagues, family, friends and even those whom he only met once. It is unfair, we live with a glimmer of hope that he may regain consciousness and be able to recognise us.

I just wanted to say I have gained much strength from your blog and really admire the way you have dealt with it. The love you and Claire have for each other is clearly what has helped you deal with it. Even though my story is completely different I really can relate to your emotions. Your blog has brought forth nonstop tears and helped me to control and see things differently. I have had days when I think I am going to fight this and be strong keep myself busy and remain positive. But I have also had days whereby I want to curl up and disappear hoping I do not have to face the reality of what life has thrown at me.

Apologies for such a long message. My thoughts are with you and your family. Your Claire is certainly proud of the way you have managed to keep going for her, yourself and the children.

I started reading your blog on your recent loss of your wife. I myself, just lost my wife on [date removed], after a 4 year battle of cancer. Still, it was sudden and unexpected at the time, which shocked me. We were married for 7 1/2 years and have 4 yr old daughter. She was only 50 yrs old. The first two months was just a fog, with much angry, frustrations and confusions. I have seek helped through my doctor and local hospice, which has helped. But the grieving and sadness is were I suffer the most. Reading your posts reminds me what my wife and I wanted to do in our lives. But now, I am a single dad and do things without her. It really sucks. But we all know we are going to die one day. Some of us sooner than later. But for those living, we must push forward. Not easy, but hopefully we succeed for our wives and most importantly, for our children.

Dear Mark,
I came across your blog about life without your wife Claire only just today. I sincerely commend and admire the strength that you resonate as you and your family go through such a difficult time. I just felt that I had to write to you, as there is so much courage and hope that I was able to take from your blog.

My story is very different but some of the emotions you describe I can completely relate to. In particular the one where you say you feel as if you are consciously planning your actions, as if delivering a training course. I am finding that when I talk to people about what happened to my husband its as if I have an outer body experience and am observing my conversation with my the other person – almost as if I am having a reality check with myself and confirming yes it happened, and yes you are sitting here telling this person what happened so it has happened. I also completely get where you are coming from when you say you have to find a new you. I have been married to my husband for 18 years, I am 39 and he is 45. So to redefine yourself, your beliefs, your goals and your future on your own is so difficult and there is an overwhelming fear.  A feeling of being lost – previously I knew where we were heading, even if we hadn’t cemented those plans I knew we were doing all the things to make it happen.

Life changed for me and my two children (ages 12 and 13) on <<date removed>> . My husband had a cardiac arrest at home in the morning. This was totally unexpected no previous heart problems or symptoms.  The paramedics managed to revive him but due to the lack of oxygen to his brain he has not regained consciousness. It’s been a long hard 5 months, he has been moved from 5 different hospitals and currently at a rehabilitation hospital. Life has become unbearable – he is such a nice man, made everyone laugh with his big warm and loving personality; and now there is nothing. Everything feels empty. There is too many unknowns that I fear dealing with now. It’s amazing how as adults we lose our resilience to change.

I cannot believe that it has happened, somedays it feels like a nightmare. The news has been a real shock to everyone that knew him work colleagues, family, friends and even those whom he only met once. It is unfair, we live with a glimmer of hope that he may regain consciousness and be able to recognise us.

I just wanted to say I have gained much strength from your blog and really admire the way you have dealt with it. The love you and Claire have for each other is clearly what has helped you deal with it. Even though my story is completely different I really can relate to your emotions. Your blog has brought forth nonstop tears and helped me to control and see things differently. I have had days when I think I am going to fight this and be strong keep myself busy and remain positive. But I have also had days whereby I want to curl up and disappear hoping I do not have to face the reality of what life has thrown at me.

Apologies for such a long message. My thoughts are with you and your family. Your Claire is certainly proud of the way you have managed to keep going for her, yourself and the children.

I started reading your blog on your recent loss of your wife. I myself, just lost my wife on [date removed], after a 4 year battle of cancer. Still, it was sudden and unexpected at the time, which shocked me. We were married for 7 1/2 years and have 4 yr old daughter. She was only 50 yrs old. The first two months was just a fog, with much angry, frustrations and confusions. I have seek helped through my doctor and local hospice, which has helped. But the grieving and sadness is were I suffer the most. Reading your posts reminds me what my wife and I wanted to do in our lives. But now, I am a single dad and do things without her. It really sucks. But we all know we are going to die one day. Some of us sooner than later. But for those living, we must push forward. Not easy, but hopefully we succeed for our wives and most importantly, for our children.