On the day of writing this it is my wedding anniversary.
It would’ve been 30 years today, and I have to say Claire and I had genuinely a most wonderful relationship, she was most certainly taken much too young.
So the question is, how do we cope after the death of a spouse on wedding anniversaries?
It can often be really difficult because other people don’t know what to do or say so they don’t send cards.
They don’t phone as they usually would.
And it feels as though everyone else has forgotten that love and that amazing day we had – apart from me – and apart from you, of course, if you’re in the same situation.
So here’s what I do.
Focus on the now, the right now, right this instant, right this moment.
And right this moment, the sun is shining. I’ve got some beautiful scenery behind me and everything is good. The moment now only becomes ‘not good’ when I start to compare.
If I compare to the past, if I compare to what went before, if I compare to what was seemingly so unfair, then suddenly ‘now’ seems very difficult.
If I compare now to the future, to what should’ve been happening – Claire and I should be growing old together – We should be traveling the world – We should be living in the life with our camper van and our dog – Again, ‘now’ seems very difficult.
So now only becomes difficult when we compare to the past or when we compare to the future. And the thing is, the past is all in our head and it’s a story. And the future hasn’t happened yet and it’s all in our head and is a story.
So when we focus just on right this instance, right now, without comparing to the past, without comparing to the future, just what is right now, then we can have peace.
And right this instant, I’m feeling good.
Not comparing to the future, not comparing to the past, just now.