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How to deal with the pain of a loved one dying

Sometimes these things just come to me, this was one of those times, so I created a video…


I just want to share a little technique that I use for dealing with the pain of grief and loss and I view it like a fire and the fire is there. And sometimes the fire may be raging hot, I know really painful if we get too close. And sometimes the fire may die down and just be some simmering embers.

And sometimes we may sit in the fire and get too close and get absolutely burnt and scalded by the pain of grief. But the important thing is that we face the fire, and that we face the pain and the hurt of the loss. Because when we face it, we can see what that fire is doing.

And if that fire of pain rages up, we can draw a bit further away and say it’s too close. I’m too close. It’s too painful at the moment, but I can still see it there.

And when the flames died down, we can draw closer and we can say, “well I might actually might like to look a bit more in detail of this.” But if we choose to turn the other way, and face the opposite direction to the fire and the fire is behind us, that fire can be doing anything it can be starting to rage. And the first thing we know is that when we start to burn, our back is burning and so we turn around and we say “no fire, get down, get down, get down”, and then we turn the other way again.

But whilst we turn the other way, the fire flares up again and starts to burn and we turn back and “Get down Get down”, and we are never doing what we need to be doing to deal with the fire and the flames and the pain. So just turn towards it. We can draw closer. If it’s too painful we can move further away.

We can decide to inspect the embers.

We can decide to move back and say let the flames rage. But we face the fire. We face the pain all of the time.

Let me know in the comments what you think.