I have the answer.
Yes, 100% there is!
Now I’m not talking about life after death for the person that has died, clearly, I’m talking about ‘is there life after the death of a partner?’
I am on many forums for bereavement and grief, indeed I run my own one on Facebook.
Recently, I’m not sure where the motivation came from, I thought I would write a post asking if people felt that they had grown since the death of their partner.
Here’s what I wrote:
Here’s a (possibly) controversial question, may be more relevant for us who lost partners a few years ago.
How have you GROWN since your partner died?
I know it can sound weird but I was so focused on not letting her death destroy me that I’ve used it to develop myself and grow.
I make decisions better now.
I know what I like in life now.
I’ve taken control of the house and how I want things.
I talk about death and dying lots, I used to completely avoid the subject, which isn’t healthy.
I still miss her terribly and I’m still very much in love with her (but in a different way to when she was alive), yet, at the same time I’m also extremely happy with my life as it is now!
Interested to know if you’ve manage to use this god awful experience in a positive way too?
The forum has nearly 15,000 members worldwide and I was (half) expecting some rather disparaging comments… However I’ve been absolutely overwhelmed with the 100% positive replies.
My ONLY reason for posting this here is to give you hope that there is life after the death of your partner.
There can be joy.
There can be a reason for living.
Here are just some of those comments (I have edited these comments to ensure people are unidentifiable):
Absolutely 100% I have grown! My daughter told me last week that she was SO proud of me and how much I have grown. Made my heart so happy. He made me a better person in our life and he has continued to make me a better person through his death.
He made me a better person in our life and he has continued to make me a better person through his death
I would answer yes. My relationship with my kids is a lot better. My walk with God is better. I stress less, knowing that many of the things I used to worry about are so temporary. I’ve even applied this to my new relationship… I’m a better man overall for it .. I wish I didn’t have to go through this to learn it
My husband has made me a better person and I strive to be more like he was.
I don’t over worry, over think about things I used to. And if my dishes don’t get done because I am sitting outside watching the sunset then so be it, they will get done in the morning. After my husband died, I realized life and living were way more important than dishes.
I am a lot stronger than I thought I was!
I’ve definitely grown, taking care of business that I used to leave to my husband. Making decisions for my family and about our renovation on the house. I’m certain my husband would be happy to see all that I’ve accomplished
He pretty much did everything as far as decision making. I just followed in his footsteps! Now, four years later and without a foot step to follow, I have learned to become independent. I have had to make so many important decisions on my own and with each one made I have become stronger! At first I was scared to death. I had to learn to love myself and believe in myself! He thrust me into this new me. I now am grateful for his gift
I am so much more independent than I was. I know what I want from life and from relationships. I am not scared and worried about things. I know that I can survive the worst, and everything else kinda pales in comparison.
We all survive in different ways. Personal growth is my favorite. Little did I know, even with my husband doing most of the financial and mechanical duties before, after he passed, it was all left up to me to survive. I’m doing just that now. He actually was training me without me even knowing it! I’m keeping the home front going. I have done exactly what he was doing!
I found peace and happiness within myself.
Yep. So much growth here. I did not think I could do certain things without my husband. Now I take care of the house, bills, kids and even went back to school. He was always my biggest cheerleader. He always made me feel smart and confident. I am thankful he gave me the chance to prove my strength.
Yes, I can make decisions on my own, travel alone and enjoy it. I can use a drill and change the bit on it, a lot of odds and ends like that. I am an independent woman
My greatest regret is that I wasn’t this person before. I don’t fear anything any more, as I know I can handle it. I like myself more than I ever did before. I don’t need anyone’s approval or reassurance. I’m developing my own hobbies and interests
In a weird way i think I worry less about stuff
I think I’m a little nicer and less driven
I have changed so much. I can do so much on my own. I have travelled on my own (no tour group). Have bought vehicles, sold a vehicle I have done so much and gained so much confidence in myself.
I’ve become fearless. Why not, what the hell do I have to lose?! Sold the house we built and moved across the country…alone!
Yes! I started skydiving, rock climbing, etc. I want to base jump too. All fear and adrenaline went out the window.
I have grown. I feel it
I don’t fear death now and I never take happiness for granted!
I’ve become so much more confident in all aspects of life. I had no idea I could be and do and create all things possible. His death allowed me to see so many parts of myself I ignored
Yes, this experience of a partner dying is awful.
Yes, I would never wish this on anyone.
But at the same time, there most definitely is life after death… And here’s the proof!