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Her absence is absent

Its been a while since I posted. Life has taken over and we’ve moved temporarily to my lovely sister’s house in Devon whilst we wait for our house sale to exchange/complete, the kids are being settled in to their new school/college and I’ve moved my office down to my sister’s study so that I can at least work. Life has taken over.

I’ve not had time to think about Claire recently. Her birthday was on the 5th September which just came and went – another first I guess, but one that just slipped past without so much as a sidewards glance – I guess life just took over.

With the house move creating so much uncertainty and the practicalities of trying to organise so many things and juggle so many balls I’ve not had time to think. In some ways that’s a good thing.

The irony in this post is that life has taken over – life has taken over on a blog that is about the death of my wife.

I’m really looking forward to getting into our new house and beginning a new life. I want to include Claire in my life again as at the moment she seems so absent, no photographs on the wall, no familiar surroundings and none of those old routines.

All of this allows me to realise that whilst grieving is a painful thing to do it’s actually extremely healing, it’s progress, it’s moving forwards and it’s good to do. Because life is on hold at the moment I’ve had to put grieving on hold, and I miss it.

In an abstract way, her absence is absent and that feels really odd!