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Happy to Wander

It would have been our wedding anniversary tomorrow – 22 years.  I’m 45 now, so next year was the year when the balance turned to 50% of my life  spent married to Claire. I was looking forward to that for some weird reason, being able to say “I’ve been with you for more than half my life” – and now the stark reality is that, if I live to a normal age of 75ish, I will have spent far more years without her than I did with her… and that hurts!

What has struck me over the past few days is how much I’ve changed. I’ve never really chased big money but what has happened has really focused my attention. Money, success, fancy cars, big houses count for nada. No I mean it, they count for NOTHING! Financial independence, financially free, passive income are all hollow terms that totally miss the point…

I received this from a dear friend recently who could be in financial trouble:

“The last couple of months have been tough psychologically and now Claire’s story has made me realise that I have nothing to complain about and just need to get on with things. Its amazing how we make some things important and then are given a lesson about priorities. I would go bust a thousand times for you if it would bring her back. So tell her “thank you” from me for making me realise what a fool I’ve been”

My life is refocusing on what really matters and if money, fancy cars and big houses happen as a result then I’m not going to turn them away, but I’m also not bothered if they don’t.

Exactly what I want in life now is still unclear, Claire was my reason for everything I did and without that reason I admit to being lost – hence the name of this site! But for now, I’m happy to wander for a bit – in fact as I write those words ‘happy to wander’  they resonate with me and feel right.

100_2751.jpgClaire used to wander along the beach when ever we were there, just enjoying the air, kicking up the sand, digging around the rock-pools to see what’s there, making something out of drift wood, chatting to the passersby and sharing the joys of the day with them.

For now, that seems like a good philosophy to adopt.