I know from my training as a coach that we create emotional problems (phobias, fear, anger etc) when there is a massive change, or significant emotional event, in our lives that our neurology can’t cope with, our mind simply dumps everything in to an ’emotional dustbin’ and screws the lid on tight to keep us safe and to allow us to cope.
Up until now I’ve not really experienced such a significant single event, sure we’ve had some tough times (people that know us know what those are) but apart from when the twins were born and we nearly lost Toby things have been pretty stable – or at least they’ve seemed that way.
At the time things can seem up and down, like tracking the stock market up and down with one of those little charts they draw… up, down, up, down… almost a rhythm to it.
At the time it seems like it’s up and down, but when we get a SIGNIFICANT event, like the death of a spouse and we pan out from that chart and take the whole thing in context, that small area of our lives seems to be constant when we can see that huge event in the context of everything else.
Up until last night I didn’t realise how much my life has changed since 17th April 2013.
If I compare now to 16th April everything has changed – work, kids, home, relationship… everything!
That old life has gone – the routines, the way we did things, the habits, the aspirations, the plans – all changed.
Accepting that is difficult, but the reality is that there is no choice and Claire always told me “If you can’t change it, accept it and move on to something you CAN change’ – she was right… she always was!
Claire, it’s the twins birthday today and we miss you. I remember 16 years ago when we almost lost Toby and he was hooked up to a ventilator looking really ill. You did so well, you were such a great Mum and you sat by them both for weeks in special care. It’s days like today when we really notice you are absent. You are so missed, you really are. I love you so much Claire and this pain of loss is hard to take, but I know I have to get through it. Thank you for all you did sweetheart. We’ll miss you today.