last night was really tough. The kids didn’t want Claire to be at the funeral in just a gown, they wanted her to be clothed in her own clothes and wearing her jewellery – so we spent the evening finding something appropriate that they were all happy with.
At the end of it, whilst it was just a pile of clothes, jewellery, her glasses and a watch, it seemed all too real. It seemed as though we had tried to reconstruct Claire in a very personal way.
The part I found the hardest was that each of the 4 kids have written a letter to their Mum that they want to read out at the funeral on Friday, they all made me cry. But what really made me cry was that they wanted a copy of those letters to go in the casket with Claire as their final notes to her, preferably clasped in her hands – oh man did I blub!
The one and only reason I’m writing this down is to resolve it in my mind. To articulate it and make sense of it.
It’s not the loss of Claire that got me last night, it was the love that the kids were showing – a motherly love that can no longer be requited.
We talked about whether they should phrase their tribute in the past or present tense. ” I loved my Mum” seems like it has stopped, and it hasn’t.
We also realised that their mother is not the flesh and bones in that casket, Claire was more than that – she was WAY more than that – no really, Claire was way, way, way more than just flesh and bones – she truly touched out hearts.
And ALL that she was still IS and can never die – the present tense is absolutely right – they love her, she IS their Mum and she DOES live on in our hearts.