On this day, 25 years ago, I married my childhood sweetheart.
My my, things have worked out rather differently to what we planned.
It’s the 15th June every year that I find most difficult, all other anniversaries such as birthdays, Christmas and even the anniversary of Claire passing I find okay. All of these anniversaries are related to events that other people shared with me… But our anniversary is the one single day which Claire and I shared between the two of us.
It’s our day.
We planned that day.
We decided what happened on that day.
We genuinely began our lives together on that day.
And on that day, every year I remember the love that we shared and the hopes and aspirations that we had for each other.
I feel truly sad.
Yet thinking about today I genuinely feel neither alone nor lonely now. I feel content. I’m happy. I love life.
Holding these emotions all at the same time has been a challenge and it’s a challenge that continues with me on my journey.
Extreme sadness and extreme happiness at the same time.
A sense of loss and a sense of finding at the same time.
A sense that everything went wrong and a sense that everything is going right at the same time.
These apparent contradictions are, in my opinion, necessary to continue to enjoy life. If the contradictions stop then I have either forgotten what we had or stopped enjoying the way things are.
Happy 25th wedding anniversary, Claire. Always with me, always part of my life and always loved.