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Comparing

Through the power of the Internet I have been in contact with some amazing people that have inspired me and motivated me to make big changes in my life. I recently met up with Robin, he lost his wife just a few days before Claire died, we met up a couple of weeks ago for a lovely walk in the country and had a great lunch together, we shared our experiences and a good friendship has developed.

Robin also writes a blog about losing his beloved wife Sarah and last week he wrote this one… It touched me enormously.

It seems to me that our propensity to compare the past with now is something that we just do. But I wonder, if we stopped comparing how much more could we enjoy the now?

If we went out for dinner and a meal we eat is good, but not quite as good as the time we went before it is only because we have been comparing it that we are not enjoying it so much. If we just look at the meal in isolation, the meal we are eating right now, then we can enjoy it for what it is.

Yes, that is such a simple analogy, but it works doesn’t it?

Today is only a horrible day if we compare it with a previous day. If we don’t compare with anything that’s gone before we can truly enjoy where we are, where we are at, what we are doing and who we are with uniquely for the current experience of now.

And you know what, I actually don’t want to compare today with yesterday. As long as I compare my life now to my life with Claire it could always make today look grey. But the reality is that it is not. Today is just today and it can be enjoyed for being today. I’m living in an wonderful part of the world now, I enjoy fresh sea air daily and am eating the healthiest food I’ve ever had. The years I had with Claire were fabulous and I loved every single moment and it’s because I loved every single moment that I can enjoy today.Comparing today and indeed my future with my past isn’t respecting the years I had with Claire at all.

So I’m not going to compare any more, in fact there is no comparison, how can there be? Today is unique. The life I am living now is completely different to the life I lived before. There is no comparison, on December 7th 1985 When Claire and I first kissed a chapter in my life opened and when she died on April 17th 2013 it closed. That chapter was beautiful and comparing anything to that isn’t giving my life with Claire or the life I lead now the justice that either of them deserves.

With no comparing, today becomes wonderful, it’s beautiful and it is valued for what it is, in it’s own right without any comparison to what went before, we can then enjoy today and retain those wonderful memories of what went before.