It’s so easy to attribute meaning to things isn’t it? The things we wear, the things we say and the things we do mean different things to different people and it’s often hard to separate out the truth from the fiction. Does it REALLY mean that!
I read an excellent blog post recently by another widower named Michael Adams where he talks about the meaning behind whether guys in our situation should wear a wedding ring or not. You see a wedding ring means I am married, and yet as Michael explains the truth is I’m not. However for me I feel like I still am and so I continue to wear my wedding ring. Wearing a ring means one thing to one person and another to someone else.
Another one of these ‘means’ problems has being moving through the grieving process. On the one hand I know it’s good to begin to rebuild my life but on the other hand it means I’m moving further away from Claire and the life that we had. But does it really mean that? Is it possible to rebuild and draw closer to her? Does rebuilding genuinely mean moving further away?
It’s so easy to link the two halves of a ‘means’ statement and act out as if X truly does mean Y, when in reality it is just a sentence we have used to describe something and there is no real relationship between X and Y.
Of course I can rebuild my life and it is in no way connected with how close I feel to Claire.
Of course, whether I choose to wear my wedding ring or not is in no way connected with moving further away from Claire.
I may wear my wedding ring for ever, or I may not. I’m at the stage now where I can choose to do what I want and be happy with it – and that ‘means’ whatever I want it to mean – or perhaps it means nothing at all!