I’ve decided to write a book. A few people have suggested to me over the past couple of months and I have been resisting as it seems like a lot of work! So what has changed my mind?
Looking around the Internet I’ve come across several similar blogs to this one, I’ve also been on several discussion forums for people that have lost their partners and one thing that stands out in all of these places is the incredible pain that is being suffered by so many people. I’ve also had countless e-mails from people that have read my own blog on grief so I know that there are lots of people out there suffering in similar ways.
I’m not suggesting I know best or even that I have the answer, but reading about what other people are going through makes my heart bleed, they are punishing themselves unnecessarily with negative emotions such as anger and one that so many people mention often is guilt. The pain of losing our partners is bad enough without adding to it by punishing ourselves with unnecessary emotions such as anger and guilt.
I just feel that if I could get my own thoughts down onto paper it would give me an avenue to begin to reach out to these people – a way of doing my own little bit to help other people in so much pain.
I know what that pain is like, I experience it often in huge waves, however what I have come to realise is that I have a choice.
When the grief hits me in a big wave I let it, I allow it to happen and do nothing to resist. It’s a natural process and its part of the healing which has to go on, and I know that as I allow the grief to hit me in a wave I have made a choice. Making that choice is empowering, I am not at the mercy of an uncontrollable emotion… If I feel a wave of grief arriving then so be it, I have a choice – let it in or fight it.
And if I genuinely have a choice I can choose to get back to doing what I was doing when the wave of grief subsides. Another empowering thought.
Listening to other people’s stories brings to my attention that people believe they don’t have a choice. Many people believe that the external world ‘makes’ them do things, many people believe that their responses to things happen automatically as an ‘effect’ of what is going on around them. I do not believe this to be true. I believe that what is going on around me happens, and I have a choice as to how I respond.
If those people that were punishing themselves with anger and grief understood that they had a choice too then their lives would change, dramatically!
Of course the very act of writing I find therapeutic in itself and I know that I will come to new realisations as the book takes shape over the next year. My plan is to publish in November 2014 and at the moment I just have a broad outline (which I wrote this morning as part of my plan for this year), this outline will then form the basis of the chapters.
I’ve contacted a self publishing house and intend to publish the book with them, but if you know of any good contacts that could help in this venture please do feel free to comment at the foot of this blog post.
One of the things I’ve been struggling with since Claire died is finding out what my life is for again, everything I did I did for her, this book is part of my refocusing on what life is about and am looking forward to sharing it with you…