I’m reading an amazing book at the moment called Do Nothing, it’s not specific to grief and loss but is specific to life in general… So I guess it pretty much applies to me as I think I’m still alive!
The themes within the book are familiar to me as I spent the last two years on bit of a personal development drive and what I’m discovering in this book is helping more, let me explain.
Since losing Claire I have been very aware of the label ‘grief’. As soon as we choose to adopt a label like this then we can begin to act out everything we believe about that label, and so it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Many people believe they are ‘an angry person’ or perhaps they believe they are ‘not coping’ – these are just labels and so guess what happens… Yep, they begin to believe those labels and act them out which serves to reinforce the belief in the first place – a never ending cycle of destruction.
What we really need to understand is that we have an inside world and an outside world. The outside world is everything that goes on out there, everything that happens outside of our own mind, which is pretty much everything. We then have an inside world where we think about things and decide what the outside world means. We notice things but the problem is we delete more things than we notice and so our inside world becomes distorted.
The biggest problem is that the inside world IS the world to us, it is all that we know and it taints our view of everything outside of us.
We do indeed create our own world inside our own mind through the power of our own thought… comforting stuff if you really think about it.
And the solution to all this?
Understand that this is the process that we go through every time we experience something in the outside world (perhaps like losing a wife), in order to make sense of it we have to filter it through our own thought patterns and our own ideas of what is wrong and what is right. Once we understand this thought process we can change it, and we can change it to do nothing.
When we truly do nothing we apply none of our own warped filters. It leaves us clean, it leaves us true and it leaves us at peace.
I can honestly say that with the power of doing nothing I am at peace.