I’ve got so much support around me from friends, family and work colleagues – thank you guys, you’re all amazing and I really appreciate it.
There’s no point to this post, I’m just writing how I feel because it’s better that way.
When the party’s finished, when the work is completed or when the day turns to evening everyone else’s life continues the same as it did before with the familiar people around them. Mine doesn’t. I come home to an empty house. I sleep in an empty bed. I’ve no-one to share the day with, no-one to say good night to, no-one to look forward to seeing first thing in the morning.
Waking in the morning and the evenings are the worst times. They are so very quiet and I’m doing everything I can to not listen to the silence.
Silence really can be deafening.
There isn’t anything anyone can do. In fact doing more things in the day (thank you to everyone that has invited me out or offered to help) in some strange way makes the silence worse. It’s the contrast I think. Busy in the day and then BAM… it all stops when everyone goes home.
Sometimes it’s just easier to keep things low level all day, then the evenings don’t seem quite so bad.
Yes, I’m struggling, but YES I’m fighting too. I will win, I will learn to deal with the silence in some way and no matter how deep this black pit goes I will always keep looking upwards to I can see the light above me, no matter how far away it is.