Today I’m feeling rather overwhelmed.
Overwhelmed with a) The practicalities of running the house b) The practicalities of dealing with the legal side of Claire’s death.
The legal side of things I’m happy to delegate to willing volunteers where possible, and indeed I have done, but the house side of things is different.
We need to work out the new routine of how we do things, and the answer lies in ourselves as a family. People have been REALLY kind and offered lots of help, and if there is a special event or similar (it’s Toby and Theas’ 16th and Olivia’s 18th soon) I’m happy to accept help but for the everyday stuff we need to do it ourselves, we need our new routines.
Claire used to do the dog walk every morning and some evenings, now the kids have to do it.
The washing, cooking, cleaning, shopping, running about, arranging all now needs to be done by me – and on top of working it is a little overwhelming at the moment.
The only reason I’m writing this all down is to document how I feel NOW, so that in a few months I can look back and see how far I’ve come and how well we’re coping.
Today is a marker of that journey, a conscious “This is my current destination” – because, just like a SatNav, if I don’t know where I’ve started the journey can’t be navigated. With my current location set I can see what needs to be done and plot my route to somewhere new.
There is a new routine out there for myself and the kids, we just need to complete the journey to find it.