The sun was shining this morning and that was the first time since Claire died, it wasn’t a sign or anything like that, but I just noticed the change in weather. The grief comes in huge waves, and all it needs is a simple trigger like the sun coming out… there seems to be no reason for it, no explanation and no way to stop it.
The kids are the same. Olivia (eldest daughter – 18) went to Tesco for some supplies and came back upset as it was always Claire that took her to the shops. We all have our own triggers that set us off!
Yesterday Olivia was struggling with a picture she had in her mind of Claire in the Chapel of Rest. I didn’t go but Claire’s Mum and Dad & Sister went and Olivia thought it might help her too. All she could see in her mind was Claire in the Chapel of Rest – I think she thought she’d look like she was simply asleep and was disturbed to find that Claire looked very different. I have a good friend that is a Master NLP & Hypnosis Coach, so she popped over to ‘mess with that picture’ in Olivia’s head and replace it with a nice happy one. It worked a treat!
My challenge today
Today it’s been the realisation that I’ll never have one of ‘our’ conversations again. We were both very much in to psychology – Claire from a formal educative background (She had a Bsc Hons in Psychology and was part way through an Msc in Counselling Psycholology) and me from a Neuro Linguistic Programming and Hypnosis angle.
We’d talk deeply about how some people ‘project’ on to others, and how important it is to become ‘self aware’ at an early point in life. We both knew that most people never understand either of those concepts… we both did and could talk for hours.
We just ‘got’ each other. There was such a deep understanding between us that has developed over the past 30 years together and I miss those convesations where we could both offload so much.. I so want to offload what’s on my mind right now and the only person in the world I can do that with isn’t here. The pain is just so immense right now.
My progress today
I slept last night and got some respite from the pain.